By Caitlin Espiritu 

Walking up my front lawn,

Every step with confusion and curiosity.

I open the door with the same key from middle school

And my life changes instantly…

My mom, dad, and sister sitting in the living room.

Dad never cries,

I know.

I know you are gone in this moment.

Not in shock about the news—

In shock to hear it is you.

Your sister was the one struggling with addiction, 

Not you anymore.

Or I thought not you.

A secret you held in,

Catching up to you.

It is not your fault,

I just thought you got better, I thought you were taking care.

You were back in school, full time job, brand new car.

My eyes blank and emotionless,

Feeling nothing but the thing that beats so loudly in my chest.

Nothing.

I am not surprised, 

But there is just no way.

You were to walk through our door anytime, I swear.

You will be there next Christmas, I swear.

You will text me about this and that, I swear.

You will pick me up from school to go on a drive, ranting about our lives…

I swear.